He did not die in vain

In the pandemic infancy, as life transitioned into lockdown, death seemed far off. As a veteran homeschool-educator, my everyday life remained unscathed.  I was thankful and curious about how others would handle education at home. I wondered if the rest of the world’s homes would end up with heaps of laundry, dishes, and books like mine. It took me only a decade to figure out homeschooling life and I was in awe of those parents and educators who quickly shifted gears into uncharted waters. 

March gave way to April and in April Ramadan started. In Ramadan, I spent some time fantasizing about food but pushed through the hunger with scripture and repentance. 

As Ramadan wrapped up, endless Eid phone calls were due. In one particular phone call there was a faint, but alarming cough of our loved one that pierced our ears and hearts. In just a few days the virus found a new victim and he was taken back to God. To say our family was devastated, shocked, and traumatized is an understatement. 

I will admit from March to June I was heavily distracted by news and events and how its divisiveness unfolded and how divisiveness cemented heavily in our country. I’m embarrassed and ashamed that I fell In that trap of clinging to current events like some sick life raft. I needed to make a change, and our loved one’s death needed to mean something, it needed to propel and prompt something good in me.

In July, I finally landed on perpetual patience. It took a while, almost half a year to get the hang of patience in a pandemic. It required acceptance of silence and isolation. Pandemic silence is haunting, unnerving, but can give you that one split second where you can hear God and His calling. 

During this time, in moments of isolation, I worked on deepening my love for God and all His people.  I started doing something I’ve never done before, I honed my prayers. I especially focused on intensely praying for those who spread mischief and corruption. It was a release and it was uplifting for me to let that go. It opened my heart profoundly and allowed me to move on to more meaningful pursuits of self-purification. 

~ An American-Muslim Convert